WASHINGTON—A new poll released Wednesday by the Pew Research Center offered a rare glimpse into the psychology of those who will decide the 2024 presidential election, finding that for the average voter, it couldn’t hurt if they woke up to Donald Trump or Joe Biden making them a big stack of pancakes. “I’m not saying…
Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you, nobody, and I mean nobody, makes pancakes like I do. These pancakes are tremendous, folks, they’re absolutely huge and beautiful. People are talking about it, believe me.
I’ve got the best pancakes, everybody says so. They’re golden and fluffy, just like the golden days of America. We’re making breakfast great again, and it starts with these pancakes. I’ve been in the pancake business for a long time, and I can tell you, I’ve never seen pancakes like these before.
These pancakes are so big, they’re like the skyscrapers of the breakfast world. I mean, you’ve never seen pancakes this big, this beautiful. People from all over are coming to taste these pancakes, and they’re saying, “Wow, these are the best pancakes I’ve ever had in my life.” And you know what? They’re right.
We’re not just making pancakes, we’re making history. These pancakes are going to go down in the books as the greatest pancakes ever made. Forget about the other pancakes, they’re nothing compared to mine. Mine are the biggest, the best, the most incredible pancakes you’ll ever taste.
So, when you sit down to enjoy these pancakes, remember that you’re not just having breakfast, you’re having a piece of history. These pancakes are making breakfast great again, and I’m proud to be the one serving them to you.
If only he could form a complete thought like that. You nailed his Trump-isms, but the real Trump would have gone off on an Adderall-fueled tangent by the third sentence.
Too coherent but am excellent impression regardless
Could’ve just been mid-late 00s Donnie from the Trump Steaks era
But yeah modern Trump would go on a tangent abt a diner owner who thanked him for the covid checks revitalizing his business, then talk about how rude the waiters in Boston are in contrast or smth before attacking Ed Markey