“Fear of missing out” is used to explain why people use social media items they don’t need nor want. But marriage is an example too.
I know there is wholesome cases where people want to start a family with other people they like to spend time with.
But a lot of the times it was also “Hey I am of the age my siblings and friends got married. I should meet people with the sole goal of marrying them and raising children.”
I don’t disagree but I think there is more too it. Many forces working in tandem to push people into marriage.
Most simply, marriage is glorified by society. It’s considered the ultimate declaration of love (within normal circumstances). Humans often feel the emotion so strongly and wish to express it. Society tells them this is how they should do it. It’s also viewed as an achievement or a measure of love by many societies. You aren’t committed (married)? Do you have cold feet? Do you not love them enough to marry them?
I may be viewed as one of those people for saying it, but there are a lot of pressures to conform to those around you. There is a certain life script - a series of things that those around you have done and expect you to do because… that’s just what you do. You find someone, get married, have kids, etc. If you don’t do these things or take too long to do these things you are defacto weird. You’ll be slowly ostracized, gossiped about, avoided, suspected. You won’t share the life experiences of those around it. It will be awkward. You won’t fit in unless you manage to find enough atypical people to surround yourself with.
Also, most governments create a society where it is beneficial to marry, to encourage stable families and population growth. Certain circumstances can negate the benefits or even counter them, as some commenters have brought up, but in most cases married couples are given boons from the government.
I wouldnt say I married my wife because of FOMO on being married. I married my wife because I had FOMO of not spending the rest of my life with my wife in particular
Anyone who is getting married for the sake of being married itself is getting married for the wrong reasons
My partner and I are committed, and want to get married. Can’t for financial reasons.
We both have to go to the hospital every once in a while (bad health). I fear for the time I am barred from seeing her because it is “family only” and I am legally a stranger.
Life is short, there are pretty affordable ways to get married if you arent attached to the idea of having a huge wedding. Another thing is that legally in many states, if you live with your partner and share finances long enough you are considered to be common law married. Usually its in the neighborhood of 3-4 years.
But either way, some states (if youre in the US) allow you to self solemnize your wedding amongst yourselves. You dont even have to have a courthouse wedding. Honestly the norm of spending ungodly amounts of money to marry each other is overrated, IMO
Loss of benefits
I didn’t marry my ex, 4 kids, over 20 years, we were a family. There should be (there were for us) forms you can fill out to give each other access for medical information and also to set each other as the responsible party if you are incapable. You don’t have to be married. We had to get something notarized, that was all. Find out if you can do that where you are.
(a) depends on the country and (b) is always slower and more complicated than when married.
Say your partner gets hospitalized and isn’t concious. As a married person you have the same last name and done. As an unmarried person like you say, you first have to go hompe, find that notarized paper, convince the hospital lawyer that it means and likely you will have to repeat the process for each new hospital stay.
I got married to my husband for two reasons. Mostly because his preference to be married was stronger than my preference to avoid it my whole life, but another big reason was that “stepfather” has more legal rights here than “mom’s boyfriend”. It was easier for him to pick my kids up from school or take them to the doctor, things like that. Same with me & his kids .
Loser: “This person is legally bound to me so they can’t easily leave even if they want to”
Chad: “This person has no obligation to stay with me, but chooses to because they want to”
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If someone doesn’t want to commit to marriage, then they shouldn’t get married 😒
That’s not why divorce happens, you numpty.
Why does divorce happen?
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I don’t know a single person who would marry for that sort of reason. But the people I know weren’t under any pressure to get married. Some of them are single, some are in long term committed relationships with kids, and some are married.
Maybe if you live in a subculture that expects people to get married by a certain age this is an OK take. But it’s so far from what I see that it seems like a really niche perspective on a complex cultural institution.
It’s really more of a contract, “I promise to carry and raise your children, you promise to provide the money” That’s why throughout much of history, you couldn’t get divorced, it wasn’t about love, it was about security.
Nowadays marriage isn’t really as important as before, but still relevant. For women, having a child usually still means making career sacrifices.
It was always just supposed to be a public declaration of partnership and commitment (made with the intention of fulfilling our biological imperative, ofc… remember that reliable, safe and not disgusting methods of birth control weren’t widely available until the late 19th century), not too dissimilar to posting your relationship status on Facebook, just with more weight behind it, lol. And, unless you live in some weird, selectively legally misandrist country that “punishes” men unfairly in divorce (the manosphere talks a lot about it, I assume there’s at least a modicum of truth to it in some places), it still kinda is just that, right? And, evidently, suddenly waking up sometime in your late 20s to 30s and realizing the optics around your singlehood aren’t too positive is one of the worst reasons to hurry into marriage! But many people are silly and live mostly mindlessly, thanks to inertia almost. 😅
Im a married guy who met a woman who was amazing in the sack and we have a lot in common but not to much so its not like living with yourself. We are dependable and work well together (most of the time). We have no intention of having children but we like having each other. Neither one of us was looking for someone necessarily when we met much less looking to get married because the time was right. We are lucky that we might of had kids if our economic situation had been better after we tied the knot and then we would be horrified at the world our kids would be coming into within a few years. Granted if it was not for the us wierd healthcare stuff we might have just lived together rather than getting the paper. It would not make a difference.
In the first sentence I thought you were talking about cheating
sorry. no. it was my eventual wife. You know there are guys who believe in the marrying kind and the fun kind. I do to but they are both the same kind.
it’s actually social pressure. You either care or go with the flow, but idk it doesn’t make much difference in the end
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