MJ calls what happened to her in Zion national park “small ‘T’ trauma”. She knows women have experienced worse from their partners. But she still feels the anger of being left behind on a hike by her now ex. “It brings up stuff in my body that maybe I have not cleared out yet,” she said.
Five years ago, MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive – traveled from Los Angeles to Utah for an adventure getaway. MJ, who is 38 and works in PR, was looking forward to exploring Zion’s striking scenery; its vast sandstone canyon and pristine wading trails were on the list. But on the morning of their big hike, MJ was not feeling well. She could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.
As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.
When she caught up at the top of the mountain, they took a picture together. Then her partner hiked down the mountain with a woman he had met on the way up, leaving MJ to finish by herself. They broke up shortly after that trip. (MJ asked to be referred to by her initials for the sake of speaking openly about a past relationship.)
Last month, MJ opened TikTok and heard the phrase “alpine divorce”, a label she now attaches to her experience in Zion.
As you said no danger in your situation but it seems like your fiancee had the same mindset as the hikers (inpatience and disregard for other persons wellbeing).
Lots of people have that mindset. Regardless of the relationship. And lots of hikers have total disdain for anyone who is slower or less experienced than them. I had one hiking date where the woman was pissed off at me that I was not as fatigued as her, because she was more experienced, but I was fitter than she was, and she kept warning and lecturing me about how I better not fall behind her. She also lectured me on my poor gear choices.
Then afterwards she changed her tune about how ‘impressed’ she was that I was as good at hiking as she was. Least to say I stopped seeing her shortly thereafter because of her need to constantly condescend about everything. She was French, so maybe it was just a cultural thing.
Book that therapy appointment. You’re obsessing over ex-girlfriends again.