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I mean in his defense… This is an onion article after all. It’s only mostly believable.

I’m too seen here. Time to hide.

I much prefer to be the butt of jokes and thus not arousing any suspicion that we have it pretty good up here.

I beg ya pardon, this is my secret garden.

Have to laugh while dying a little inside when ‘free market’ people cry about banks, insurance companies, real estate, and other mega corps ‘needing’ bailouts.

Isn’t that the essence of the free market? If companies suck shit, they die. The American people need a fucking bailout right now before another international corporation.

And 6.1% of the worlds land mass..

Pretty sure this is what an aneurysm feels like.

Ha! “Consultant / Technology Manager” – pretty sure he’s just working on the next buzzword buffet to justify his bloated comp package.

Oh well, gives me an excuse to link this Weird Al song that makes far more sense.

Genealogy sites.

Yea hey xitter my xitter now

Pay to be free like me on xitter now

Speech is only money on xitter now

…

Take it in the the xitter now xitter now

“Redditors vent and complain”

News at 11.

An open - source, decentralized job board? Yeah, hopefully someone does that, I’m sure it would serve a great need.

Well that explains why they taste so good.

That actually makes a ton of sense. We fucking paid for it after all.

Money buys options.

If you have more money, typically you have a greater pool of options to choose from in all avenues of life.

When your finances are desperate or non existent, so are your options.

I’m not religious in any sense of the word, but if Jesus Christ is telling me to go to the casino, we’re going to the fucking casino!

Loaves and fishes bitches!

What, are you my 7 year old?

Username checks out.

This makes me deeply uncomfortable.

I don’t know, I hear they have great cinema.