It’s normal when I’m making fucking chili Susan! And there’s a difference between too much salt and adding the appropriate amount of salt.

And research has shown that the most effective way to not have problems with too much sodium in the blood/high blood pressure is to drink more fucking water.

And the person that complains to me about the salt levels in my food? A) didn’t pay for the fucking food and B) drinks 12 fucking diet Dr peppers a day because “they are healthier.” So fuck em!

Sanders would have won.

I’m a white dude with no tattoos, but I have this argument all the time with my family. “You can add hot sauce and salt afterward for yourself!” That’s not how this works Susan. That’s not how any of this works. All of cooking is chemistry and physics! And get over it! If I’m cooking I’m using salt and guajillio peppers!

Source: Gay and cook food.

You don’t think MAGA goons would organize constitutional conventions to keep their god king in office?

I stopped drinking 5 years ago. I quit smoking weed 4 months ago.

It’s… It’s really hard to not just go out and buy some weed to fill that void in my soul right now.

I think tomorrow, I’m gonna double my Adderall dose.

Oh, that’s literally why I wouldn’t trust myself and can’t legally buy a gun. I have depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I’m too afraid I’d have a bad day, like today, and blow my brains out and still live anyways.

And I’m medicated. I can’t imagine how people without their meds would feel.

If I had a gun right now, I wouldn’t trust myself.

Asteroid - Yellowstone Supervolcano 2028

Well, that’s how you make a good curse.

Gender inequality isn’t solved via paperwork. If anything that would make pay equity even harder to achieve.

Yes. Named for its incredibly complex reproductive organs that loop around like a hotwheels track.

Black licorice is best licorice. Red licorice is just a sugar rope. Licorice is anise flavor and is an amazingly complex experience!

Fight me.

The movie Trick 'r Treat, scaring the neighborhood kids, and blowing out all the jack o lanterns at 12:01.

And leave out a bowl of milk and a tray of candies for the demons/fairies overnight.

Haha. It’s always a vibe. Saw a little kid dressed as the warden from Minecraft and I pretended to have the darkness effect and gave him a wad of mini crunch bars. I think he was super happy to get recognized!

And they aren’t hard and fast rules. Just a sliding scale. And after being on candy duty for the last 15 years, you kinda just internalize it.

Plus, Halloween is all about the rules. Say trick or treat. Don’t blow out your pumpkin before midnight so the demons don’t get ya. Always check your candy.

There are rules for my parents house. I give out the candy there and we go through like 30 pounds of it in a night.

Not Saying Trick or Treat? No Candy. (EDIT: If they don’t say it, I always ask them “What do you say?” Which is funny too. Sometimes they go through “Thank you” “Happy Halloween” then finally get to “Trick or Treat.” Then they do get their appropriate amount of candy.)

Saying Trick or Treat with no costume? One candy, low tier.

Trick or Treat with Costume? 2 pieces, probably some chocolate.

Trick or Treat with High Effort or Very Unique costume I haven’t seen 10 of all night? 3-4 pieces def some chocolate and a ring pop.

Within that, older siblings escorting younger? Extra piece + glow stick.

Family Costume Set? Extra piece and my mom takes a picture of them.

I scare the shit out of you when I rip the door open? Extra piece?

I scare you and you cry? Extra chocolate.

Babies? Mom deserves an extra piece.

I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those. Tho, TexasDrunk always seems to chime in when he sees me. But it has been a while.

Hi TexasDrunk, hope it was a good Halloween at the bar.

Apples > Raisins && Toothbrushes.

I’ve got 3 AMAB siblings but they really don’t like it when I call them sister.

Truck bros park in the dead center of 4 spots.

You wouldn’t a you wouldn’t would you?