Stop it!

Okay, now do it some more…

I don’t care how they’re picked, you generally shouldn’t feed peppers and spices that you’d use in chili. And never onions, garlic, or grapes regardless of the intended application.

These rules come from the same people who put a slice of cheese on apple pie. “It adds a savory quality to all the sweetness.” Fuck off, it adds the taste of cheese to apple pie. People also like mint and chocolate, maybe you should eat some M&Ms coated in Vicks vaporub

Chili is steaming dog food with too many spices and onions for dogs to eat. If you think your chili tastes better with beans or even cinnamon, then get down with your bad self. Anyone who tells you otherwise is welcome to not eat your chili.

“Syrup doesn’t belong on waffles/french toast”
“Cookies shouldn’t have raisins”
“You shouldn’t put butter on your tortillas”
Fuck all y’all, I’mma eat my food how it tastes good and you can maybe chime in once you got a show on the food network

^I’m a Texan who will eat your chili with or without beans and I approve this message^

This sounds like a beautiful poem

I swear I’m not a cannibal, but I am so desperate to eat some billionaire stew

I fucking love you. Thanks for giving me a nice laugh before turning in for the night.

About fucking time. What’s the point in having friends if you can’t drunkenly jump from their moving car in the middle of Death Valley during a heatwave? YOLO!

Edit: Apparently the ridiculous scenario and “YOLO” weren’t enough to indicate that this was sarcasm…

“Temporarily closed”

I’m sorry, friend. You didn’t deserve to be called that…

They can hold it just fine, but their aim and dexterity is shit. Fuckin’ no-opposable-thumb-having muppets.

Piss trickling down on us would be an improvement

“Sure, I knew that voting for Trump meant more and worse genocides including on American soil, but I expected it from him. Seeing a genocide under Kamala Harris’s tenure as not-president made me worry she wouldn’t actually help once she became president. And then I’d be disappointed. Why would I want to possibly be disappointed when I can instead experience horrors that meet expectations?”

- Probably a couple million people who shot their foot with their own cut-off nose as ammunition

Do it. I fucking dare you. It’ll be fun to watch a media powerhouse and a douche meth lab burn each other down.

What do you call it when something makes no sense whatsoever but makes perfect sense?

Demon wranglers

"I’M NOT WILLING TO FIGHT YOU! I’LL KILL YOU FOR DECLARING BATTLE!

Was that before or after she threw away all of the M&Ms with Ws on them?

Oh yeah? Then why am I always angry at everyone all the time?!

Boom. Scienced!

\s

What’s unfortunate about it? Dude looks like Miles Davis to me

All of my dogs have loved our current vet. I’ve tried a couple other vets that were closer to me at different times, and my current vet is the only one that our dogs have been excited to visit in the 20 years since we met her.