It’s a tightrope walk. Put in too much effort and you risk pushing them away. Not enough effort and they lose interest. That is also why, in my experience, it is a good idea to have multiple friends. If you’re someone who needs a lot of attention, it allows you to have multiple sources of attention without being smothering towards one person.

Most people aren’t ready to jump full force into a friendship like that. If they’re your only friend, but you aren’t their only friend, you have much more energy and motivation to start/maintain the friendship than they do.

Also fun math fact: For the average person, your friends will have more friends than you do.

Once I was in the train, minding my own business, reading an unusual, interesting book. The guy seating in front of me noticed it and we started talking. It turned out, we live in the same city. We both were relatively new there.

FF a week. We went out to get some burgers. Talked about basically everything. We had what could only qualify as a wonderful time together. Chatted for hours, even talked about travelling together to a country I know relatively well and he’d like to visit.

Where I live, split checks are custom. I always hated them, so thinking (wrongly, as it’d turn out) we’d see each other again very soon, I paid for the whole bill.

Before going home, I even cited Casablanca’s well known ‘beginning of a long friendship’ line.

Never heard from him after that. When I tried to reach out, only a half-hearted bs ‘oh sorry, I’m so bad at replying texts’ came.

Never saw him again.

Really shattered my confidence in people, and myself.

Angus, if you’re out there. WTF man. Why.

Friendships require maintenance and effort.