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miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 8 days ago

President Trump courageously plans nuclear war to prevent release of Trump-Epstein files

www.normalisland.co.uk

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President Trump courageously plans nuclear war to prevent release of Trump-Epstein files

www.normalisland.co.uk

miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 8 days ago
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The most rational and well-balanced US president ever, Donaald Trump, is making exciting plans to start nuclear war with Russia to prevent the release of the Epstein files.
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  • AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@sh.itjust.works
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    8 days ago

    Can you bite the onion if the news are, not only plausible, but reasonable?

    • 9point6@lemmy.world
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      Just a little bite, as a treat.

      But yeah legitimately I don’t see anything in that headline I don’t believe is true.

      I guess “courageously”

      • Rhaedas@fedia.io
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        8 days ago

        “courageously” - that’s The Onion’s way of giving readers a hint it might be satire.

        • AlexLost@lemmy.world
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          8 days ago

          Except, have you read anything the “news” has put out about the guy? They kiss his taint regularly and only touch him with kid gloves. Just saying…

    • errer@lemmy.world
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      8 days ago

      I mean it’s not just plausible it’s literally true https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/01/us/politics/trump-nuclear-submarines-russia.html?referringSource=articleShare

  • Chozo@fedia.io
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    8 days ago

    “Trump-Epstein files”

    I hope the media catches onto this phrase.

    • Nakoichi [they/them]@hexbear.net
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      Buddy I got bad news for you about Bill Clinton and probably a hell of a lot more people in both parties.

      • LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        These people don’t seem to realize biden was president for 4 years and could have done something about it for every one of those four years but didn’t, for a reason

        • SexUnderSocialism [she/her]@hexbear.net
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          was president for 4 years and could have done something about it for every one of those four years but didn’t, for a reason

          Every Democratic presidency in a nutshell.

        • Nakoichi [they/them]@hexbear.net
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          8 days ago

          deleted by creator

          • LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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            8 days ago

            i don’t think we should even federate tbh but it is funny seeing people complain about hexbear

  • SupraMario@lemmy.world
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    8 days ago

    Hey onion… could you make satire again?

  • DarkSpectrum@lemmy.world
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    8 days ago

    Is he copying Netanyahu’s work?

  • plyth@feddit.org
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    8 days ago

    This, but for real.

    What but nuclear will the war be in 2027?

    https://feddit.org/post/16373509

    All the Trump shenanigans are a distraction from the preparations.

  • str82L @lemmy.world
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    8 days ago

    Misread courageously as egregiously. Still kinda works.

  • notabot@piefed.social
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    8 days ago

    Why is this filed under ‘theonion’? Does anyone actually think he wouldn’t start a nuclear war to avoid embarasment, let alone what would happen to him if anything damning came out in those files? I sippose the only unbelivable bit is that he is planning anything, rather than being told what to think.

    • FauxLiving@lemmy.world
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      8 days ago

      It’s satire, which always has some element of truth to it in order to be effective comedy.

  • hodgepodgin@lemmy.zip
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    8 days ago

    I bit into this onion

    • Final Remix@lemmy.world
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      No, it’s entirely biteable and in fact quite possible. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/01/us/politics/trump-nuclear-submarines-russia.html?referringSource=articleShare

      • hodgepodgin@lemmy.zip
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        8 days ago

        yes that’s why I bit into it

  • Doll_Tow_Jet-ski@fedia.io
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    8 days ago

    When reality surpasses fiction

  • PalmTreeIsBestTree@lemmy.world
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    8 days ago

    He is sorta doing that right now by moving the submarines near Russia

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