(Houston, TX) As outrage continues to build over the actions of the office of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), the office seems unconcerned and even welcoming of the outcry. On Wednesday, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem announced that, by order of the president, ICE would move to only motorcycle units in the coming months. Artist concepts included new uniforms, and two-wheeled cages that would be towed behind the units for prisoners. The outcry has been vocal and immediate.

“This is a disgrace,” said Charles “Buzz” Sabsen, a 10-year veteran motorcycle officer in Philadelphia. “We’ve been saying for months now, at least we’re not ICE. Some ticketed motorists even smile when we tell them. You can’t take us back to the bottom rung just to prove you hate brown people.”

Likewise, ICE officers are decrying the change. “I think this is a bridge too far,” said 10-month veteran ICE officer Aaron “Buzz” Landren. “Some of the newer guys are exciting about this, but us older guys? How will I balance a battering ram on a motorcycle? I’m all for hate, but… have you ever heard of the phrase ‘a hat on a hat?’”

Immigration lawyers note that trumps enforcement numbers are still well below President Biden’s, and motorcycles will not change this. “Mention I want to know where the Epstein files are,” said lawyer Alejandra Rimosa. “Maybe he’ll put them in clown cars next, to see if that distracts us.

The Epstein files could still not be accessed at newstime.