(Washington DC) As the government shut down continues, and the Epstein Files fester, the White House is denying rumors the president is flirting with leaving his responsibilities and ruling a younger country, leaving JD Vance to “finish her off,” as unnamed sources in the beltway claim.

Trump has three years remaining in his term, and is considered the front runner for the republican party in 2028, despite the constitutional amendment forbidding it. If he left the presidency, Vance would be the 48th president and only second self-proclaimed hillbilly, after Jimmy Carter.

White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt strongly denied any rumors the president was leaving. However, trump was seen speculating about what countries he should run other than the US with donors on Friday at a golf venue, with South Sudan being mentioned several times.

A source requesting anonymity confirmed that South Sudan will be the president’s choice. “The US is really old and boring. South Sudan is 14, and that’s exciting… you can do things with a new country they don’t know they’re not supposed to. I can just walk in there, they’d love to have me, have the president, him. That’s where he should go.”

While some Americans would welcome the president’s departure, others insist he should stay the course. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in Eastern Kentucky, said: “you can just leave them because they’re boring and old, that’s wrong. You gotta wait ‘till they die first, then take your pick.”