it hit me while masturbating in the shower, i’m never going to be completely sober. i need drugs to function as a member of society. and that’s alright with me.
i also know, more importantly, that there are millions of other people like me all over the planet. most of us just hide to survive.
I too used to think certain things in my life would never change - until they did.
It’s an interesting realization when you’ve been telling yourself for decades that you need something, only to quit it and discover that not only did you not need it, but you’re actually better off without.
IMO it’s a bit like going to parties/events. When you’re young you might feel as if you have to go, and if you’re older you stop doing that, and you’re fine and don’t feel as if you would need that at all.
But at the same time, if you had never gone to these parties, you would spend the rest of your life wondering what you missed …
So the reason why you don’t need it is because you got enough of it in the past; had you never had it in the first place, you would miss it.
Sorry to say but there‘s a hiccup in your thinking: How can you know you would miss it, if you don’t know it?
I don’t know of I‘d miss skydiving, if I miss diving, if I miss flying or even racing. Because I never did it. Still I don’t miss it.
Until you relapse. There’s a reason people fall into bad habits and if those reasons are not addressed, the change is only temporary. Speaking from experience.