I pick up the newspaper and everyday there’s a new horrible story about him that’s somehow become trite since all this oaf does is disparage other, loaf about, and take what he can from others to engorge himself. He’s ruining this country in every way, shape, and form but somehow he has millions of cult followers. He’s above any punishment yet forces us to suffer his existence like some sort of sick, kafkaesque joke. This absolute piece of shit has no redeeming qualities and yet we let him keep breathing air. It’s impossible to scroll online without seeing his gross orange face pop up on screen. I swear if I hear him say “I hate Mondays” or “I love lasagna” one more time I am going to lose it. Save us from this Garfieldian agony.
An American visits the front page of a popular news site, then closes it after a quick glance. They do this everyday, never reading any of the articles.
One day, the site recognized that the same browser fingerprint has been doing this several times, so the site sent a popup to that user’s webpage (the website have not gotten paid by the advertisement companies because the webpage was closed too quickly for the view to be counted), asking the user why they only look at it for 5 seconds, they reply: “I’m waiting for a news article about a certain event that would become nationwide news on the frontpage and celebrated by about half of the population, but I’m not gonna eleborate on what I mean, due to potential legal troubles, also how the fuck did you track my browsing?”
(Its a modern variant of the Soviet Newspaper joke)