When I was a kid, my mom either bought or was gifted a little plush snowman that would say “Happy holidays! Happy holidays!” When you squeezed it. It would maybe get squeezed a few times in December and then put in a bin until the following year. No one ever changed the batteries and it still worked each year for many years. Then it started to run out of juice. And slowly over each year it would sound more and more demonic, but it always played at least once before running out of power. It’s now been more than 25 years and we still check it each year to see if the demonic snowman is still alive. I’m not sure it will ever die if it was never alive in the first place…

That’s a whole green olive… But still.

And that’s why, as a Midwesterner, I proudly put black olives on my tacos. And it’s tastes pretty damn great!

This.

I KNOW WHOOOO I WANT TO TAKE ME HOME

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying these memes. They remind me a lot of when shittymorph would get you with the undertaker bit. Except now I’ll be looking at cool science charts that are genuinely interesting only to find someone snuck in a sneaky Saddam.

JD Vance is a closeted childless cat lady pass it on

Can someone please teach whoever made this about the basics of graphic design? I can hardly read this ity-bity condensed as fuck text on top of a potato quality complicated background. Good God.

I could be wrong, but I think the original idea for the matrix was that they were using human brains for processing power and not energy. But someone in the movie making process decided people wouldn’t understand that and instead went with the battery analogy.

First sentence: wow I absolutely agree. It’s such a shame that mothers have to go back to work so soon after giving birth. We should work toward guaranteeing parental time off for all parents.

Second sentence: yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah… Um… Nevermind.

This is an excellent meme format. You can replace the text with all kinds of stupid shit like “I know you drank orange juice with your chocolate cake”.

You ever drink Bailey’s from a shoe?

Best: twix, 100grand, candy corn, sweet tarts

Worst: bottle caps, heath, unnamed hard candies, tootsie rolls

MY ANUS IS BLEEDING

Oh yeah this is total bologna. Everyone knows that the moon is made of cheese!

Do I look like I know what a JPEG is? I just want a picture of a got-dang hotdog!

We drove from Illinois to Florida and stopped at a local chain in Alabama along the way called Milo’s. It had great reviews and people said you had to get the burger with the special sauce or whatever it was called. Let me tell you that this “burger” was very reminiscent of my grade school lunches when they would serve “Salisbury steak with gravy” in the little paper containers that you had to pinch the corner to peel the film off and eat. Now while usually this would be a lesson in how terrible us school lunches are, this is more of a lesson in how bad the food in Alabama is in that the local people think that this is good enough food to pay someone real money for it.

DAAAAAMN DANIEL WITH THE WHITE VANS

JD Vance puts his cast iron in the dishwasher pass it on

I went to Meijer a week ago and saw they had a pallet of candy corn. I was like wow this early? And I bought a bag thinking it must be left over from last year or something, but no it was just the opposite. It was the freshest bag of candy corn I’ve ever eaten and it was very delicious. But it also made me realize that the reason I’m never getting fresh candy corn for Halloween is because they literally make it and ship it in late July/early August and then just let it sit there for 3 months until Halloween. But at least now I know when the best time is to buy candy corn… So there’s that.