I would totally hunt down a werewolf and subdue them with belly rubs, butt scritches, and…shit, does this make me a furry? Is this how it starts?

That or “Simple Man!”. My bassist friend hates when I yell it out.

Why?

You have to sing it like the subway commercial.

No, it was like “weather is brought to you by.” Can I not remember the rest because I was blinded by rage . I didn’t even hear the weather. It only happened once.

“it’s the thirst mutilator!”

I asked Alexa what the weather was like, and they shoe horned a sponsorship.

Behold this sacred relic! It’s his old samsung S5!

Narwhal is cool, but do you want to use the good Narwhal on just anyone? I want to use it for special occasions or that certain someone.

The only way to protect yourself from a bad guy with a sword is a good guy with a spear.

Pharaoh said, “ummm hmmm, yeah! Who is the LORD? Oh yeah, that I should obey him and let Israel go, yeah!? I do not know the LORD,ummm hmmm! and I will not let Israel go, ummm hmmm, yeah! I’m the cream of crop! And I’ll raise to the top”.

Edit: you have to read in macho man’s voice.

The only time I was in Boston, my girlfriend and I ran for the subway before the door closed. A guy held the door, I thanked him, and he turned to his friend and said “See, not everyone is a dick, asshole.” Or was it “not everyone is an asshole, dick.” But it was pretty on brand.

Say what you will about the giant bugs and socialist toasters, but they never sold out their own for a percentage.

This hole was meant for me!

Fuck Yeah! Put that on the bucket list! I want to suck whale milk straight from the teat! Feed me big mama!

I went through to the trouble of translating that, and it was worth it.

Or Hispanic, redneck, cheap asses, (me)

Was it in the pale moon light?

My plan A was similar. Just get cremated and just be scattered around my parents graves. Just so "I’m around“. Plan b, viking funeral. Plan “c” is getting cramated, getting an half and ounce of ashes, putting it in resin keychains. Then during the memorial, “take a little piece of Bob with you.”, and hand out the keychains. Eventually, you are going to lose it, go back to my wife, because she probably has a box of leftover me somewhere.

In Edge runners, they were putting people’s cremated remains in stainless steel capsule, like a world’s worst kinder surprise. That struck me as being very plausible in the future.