• Flying Squid@lemmy.worldEnglish
    423·
    4 days ago

    I have the suicide disease. The worse, TN2 version. That is not a sly term for mental illness, it’s a nerve disorder that has pain so great that people kill themselves rather than face yet another day of it. I am rarely below 3 on the 1-10 pain scale (at 4 right now) and I’ve reached 10 more times than I can count. This is with medication keeping it at the level where I can function.

    I am such a bad judge of pain that the trauma from my not realizing for half a week that I had kidney stones and not taking any painkillers and then being stuck first in a clinic and then the ER for 14 hours writing in agony until they finally decided I did, in fact, have kidney stones and gave me some fentanyl, caused severe trauma and gave me an eating disorder called ARFID, unrelated to body image issues, and I have not eaten solid food in a year and a half.

    Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

    https://arizonapain.com/trigeminal-neuralgia-suicide-disease/

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant/restrictive_food_intake_disorder

    Hey, you asked.

    P.S. If you try to give me medical advice over the internet, I may just block you. I am so fucking sick of that. And no, “I know you said you didn’t want medical advice, but…” does not count as a way around that. And I am fucking sick of having to say that and having people ignore it too.

    • /home/pineapplelover@lemm.eeEnglish
      21·
      4 days ago

      Damn. You know flying squid, I’ve always looked up to you around here. I see you in a lot of posts and comments around and didn’t realize you are in agony for most of the time.

    • BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      12·
      4 days ago

      I wondered how things were for you. I’m so sorry. I do know of a new treatment for trigeminal nerve stuff simply because I work in neuro I can tell you about if you want but I most certainly won’t give you advice. I just know someone who is using it and it’s new.

    • Gork@lemm.eeEnglish
      7·
      3 days ago

      Damn, so sorry you’re having to go through this. May the days be kind to you, friend.

      • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldEnglish
        8·
        4 days ago

        I actually did make a video about it once which has helped others, so I’m glad of that. But I don’t want to doxx myself and link to it.

    • volvoxvsmarla @lemm.eeEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      Sorry to read that. But in some way I am almost relieved that you seem to finally know what caused your insanely severe case of ARFID. I remember when you were posting about your time at the Mayo clinic and the awful mismanagement there and was very sad and disappointed (not by you) that you were bombarded with enough armchair diagnostics to stop updating about your case.

      When did you get diagnosed with TN2? And how long was the gap between the kidney stones and your last bite, if I may ask?

      • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        3 days ago

        Thanks. I don’t really feel relieved by it, mainly because it’s kind of irrelevant to the future, but it is what makes the most sense and it’s better than having no idea.

        When did you get diagnosed with TN2?

        I think about 10 years ago. Maybe 11 now. It might be genetic because my dad had TN1. But he got it in his 70s. It usually manifests itself at that age. I was in my late 30s.

        And how long was the gap between the kidney stones and your last bite, if I may ask?

        That’s kind of complicated. A few weeks after it happened (January 2023) I started dry heaving every morning. That has been almost daily for me. Occasionally more than once. Then that March, I had this issue for about six weeks and then I was fine again until August. And other than at the Mayo Clinic when they totally numbed my mouth with a lidocaine-based compound, when I was able to manage a couple of bites of egg salad, that was the last time I had truly solid food. I’m also the smelling equivalent of a supertaster. I can smell cleaning fluid inside stores from when the custodians mopped the day before.

        Working with a psychiatrist and doing RO DBT therapy, I am at a place where I can eat pretty much anything if I don’t have to chew or use any utensils and I have conditioned myself to just deal with the smells even if they are awful. I’m even able to cook for my kid now.

        So I am in a much better place than I was even six months ago.

    • Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      That’s a raw deal. I always thought a 1-10 pain scale was a dumb Idea. Pain is pretty subjective and someone who hasn’t experienced severe pain doesn’t really have a way to understand what constitutes a 10. (I would answer differently before and after my cycling accident for example) Personally I think that setting the scale as 1-10 where breaking a leg is a 6 (or something) would be more diagnostically relevant. I trust your judgement, although what you call a 4 would probably be most people’s 8.

    • BlueBeard@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      That must be the toughest condition I read about in a long while. It’s amazing that you kept going. It’s also amazing that you decided to share this!

      • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        3 days ago

        Thanks. I have definitely had my very, very low points, but you just try to keep going when you can until you have no reason to do it anymore…

  • Victor Gnarly@lemmy.worldEnglish
    20·
    3 days ago

    My eye doctor murdered his boss’s wife and waited on the couch beside her corpse for him to get home. He got beaten the shit out of before he could kill his boss and the cops arrested him shortly after the beating.

    • chiliedogg@lemmy.worldEnglish
      5·
      3 days ago

      My orthodontist had been high school band buddies with my parents, so when I needed braces 6 used him.

      A few years later, his wife suspected him of cheating, so she hired a PI firm to follow him. They made the very stupid decision of telling her her was cheating on her in real time and where.

      With her stepdaughter (his child) in the car, she drove to the hotel, confronted him, then ran over him 3 times. It was national news, and she got out of prison a few years ago.

  • JustEnoughDucks@feddit.nlEnglish
    23·
    4 days ago

    This is probanly way too boring and mundane for this thread, but I can’t feel hunger or fullness. (Never had a doctor look at it because it doesn’t make my life worse)

    My mom when I was a baby asked the doctor how much baby food I should be given after breastfeeding time was over. The doctor said “just give him enough, he will stop”. After many jars of food, my mom had to stop because I wouldn’t stop.

    To this day I can feel my stomach expanding before I will stop. At my university all-you-can-eat cafeteria (back when I was super fit and tracked every calorie) I ate about 10kcal and didn’t feel full so I stopped. I also did a 21 day water (and salt+vitamins) fast without that much trouble (but my mouth would still water and I would still have taste cravings)

    Fucks up my relationship with food though because I eat when I am bored, just eat whatever is in front of me without realizing it, or if I am busy I will just forget to eat.

    As I said, probably not really unsettling or scary, but not a fun fact lol.

    • tetris11@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      I think I have this to some degree. I never feel hungry/hangry if I haven’t eaten by specific times. I just eat because I’m bored and it kinda heats me up. I can go days without, I just don’t because of habit and because sugar and caffeine have effects that help me concentrate

  • adr1an@programming.devEnglish
    3·
    2 days ago

    This whole thread could use a whole lot more of spoiler tags and Content Warning. And I shouldn’t have read all these stories. Luckily, I noticed my anxiety soon enough and just stopped.

  • Taewyth@jlai.luEnglish
    11·
    3 days ago

    Just a few

    • a childhood friend and neighbour got killed by his mother, his sister managed to flee the scene and call the cops
    • my elementary school’s director got arrested for paedophilia, he killed himself in his cell before getting judged
    • my sister in law died in her sleep less than a meter away from me (a wall was between us still) and my partner and I were the ones to find her, I’ve had to call and tell her parents
  • ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    13·
    3 days ago

    I knew someone whose death was ruled a suicide. I also know their roommate wasn’t where they said they were the night it allegedly happened.

    And that’s all I know.

  • PhilipTheBucket@ponder.catEnglish
    202·
    5 days ago

    When a friend of mine was a little kid, someone drove past, jumped out of their car, and ran over and grabbed him trying to kidnap him.

    He was just confused about what the guy was even doing, but grabbed onto a chain-link fence and wouldn’t let go, so the guy was yanking him and yelling at him to let go, but he was able to hold on. Eventually the guy gave up and ran back and sped away. While he was being yanked on the fence, he was worried because the ball he’d been playing with was rolling down the hill, and he was worried it would go somewhere he wouldn’t be able to find it and he would lose his ball.

    When the guy left, he went and retrieved his ball, psyched that he was able to get it back. He thought no more about it and kept playing, and then later that day told his mom about what happened.

    She lost her mind. For some reason, he thought she had also been worried about the ball, and he kept telling her he’d been able to get it back after, so it was all good.

    • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.worldEnglish
      67·
      5 days ago

      I can’t find the statistic any more, but it was something like 80% of people who are kidnapped and are taken in the kidnapper’s car are killed. Like this kid’s situation, fight, scream, do everything possible to not be taken.

    • veroxii@aussie.zoneEnglish
      714·
      5 days ago

      Was his parents separated? Most likely it would be dad with a restraining order or some other family trying to “get him back”.

  • intensely_human@lemm.eeEnglish
    58·
    4 days ago

    I’ve been sick at home for a few days. I blew my nose into some toilet paper, checked, then tossed it in the toilet. Saw myself in the bathroom mirror and had snot all over my mustache.

    Then it hit me. This isn’t the first time I’ve blown my nose with a mustache — it’s just the first time I’ve immediately looked in a mirror afterward.

    Oh my god

    • Aggravationstation@feddit.ukEnglish
      10·
      4 days ago

      Yea it happens if you have facial hair unfortunately. Went for a meal with my family last night and drinks after. Got home and realised there was quite a bit of dried soup in my beard. I do normally check myself after eating in my phone camera but totally forgot. Made me glad I’ve already made an appointment with the barber to get it trimmed.

    • zeca@lemmy.eco.brEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      i notice that when im sick, it takes longer for me to get better if i have a mustache. Not that i walk around with snot hanging to it, i hope not. But i guess something sits there, and i breath it all day and stay sick.

  • Sorgan71@lemmy.worldEnglish
    111·
    3 days ago

    When I was a kid (like 14-15) I would go on gangstalking forums and try to convince schitzophrenic people I was following them.

  • grysbok@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
    89·
    5 days ago

    I (aurally) witnessed a kindergartener get run over by her school bus. I was on a different bus and our bus drivers were talking over the radio, then there was this ungodly wailing from the other bus. The other bus driver just kept screaming “I killed her, I killed her”.

    Turns out the little girl barely missed the bus, ran alongside it to catch up, tripped, and fell under the wheels of the bus.

    Once we got to high school, students on the killing bus were offered counseling. I, not being on the killing bus, didn’t talk to anyone about it until I went to therapy decades later.

    Yellow school buses freak me out still, for that and abuse reasons.

      • grysbok@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
        13·
        4 days ago

        Yeah, there’s also the confusion of not having literally seen or felt the kid being crushed, so chastising myself that it shouldn’t have been that traumatic. It took me years to accept that just hearing something can also be witnessing it.

  • LaunchesKayaks@lemmy.worldEnglish
    54·
    5 days ago

    I had half of my face ripped off by a dog when I was a kid. Skin and flesh was just hanging off of my face and I almost lost my right eye.

    Doctors did a great job patching me up and you can’t even tell that anything happened unless you know where the super subtle scars are.

    • BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      18·
      4 days ago

      Oh wow. They did great work then. My niece has her face attacked by a pit bull, has had several surgeries and some laser work, and you can still tell unfortunately. She kind of developed some transient anorexia about it unfortunately, which my asshole MIL went out of her way to aggravate. Glad you did well though.

  • rc__buggy@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    135·
    5 days ago

    When I was 13 I helped the local burnout mow lawns. He was late 20’s and hung out with us teenagers from the same block. Got us weed, bought us beer. The 16yo guys I looked up to were friends (?) with him, he’d hang in the backyard fort of the lead 16yo, and he basically ran the local lawn mowing cartel of all us kids. I wanted money and it was easy and fun, hangin’ with the boys. We shoveled walks in the winter.

    One snowstorm morning he wasn’t at the fort where we’d meet so I volunteered to run across the street to his house. Knock. Knock loud. Try the door, he didn’t mind if we came in his basement entrance to his parent’s house. It’s dark, light on in the bathroom. 13yo me saw his first dead body that day; full bathtub with slit wrists and neck.

    E: oh, reason for suicide seemed to be that he had a DUI wreck a couple months prior where a young girl (like 7 or 8) didn’t die but wouldn’t ever be the same… like couldn’t walk or brain damage or something. He couldn’t handle what he did, I guess.

      • rc__buggy@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        1·
        3 days ago

        Driving under the influence. He was drunk and hit someone’s car. I don’t think there was any fleeing involved, he had broken bones and shit. Spent time in jail and was waiting on his trial out on bond.

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      I spent a year as a videographer for a local news station. Do not work such jobs if you don’t want to see dead bodies because, as I found out, you’re literally an ambulance chaser. One of the many reasons I only worked there for a year. And probably why I am now too squeamish to watch gory movies.

      I’m just glad I’ve never seen anyone actually die. At least not yet.

  • Trilobite@lemm.eeEnglish
    9·
    3 days ago

    When I was a kid I found a bunch of puppies that had been skinned alive, I think I scared off whoever was doing it, one was half skinned and still alive and there was another one that had not been gotten to yet