I have 2 GOP parents, one that voted Trump originally and one that did not. Over the last 9 years, I have watched them both travel down the MAGA pipeline to become visibly fascist. The parents who taught me racism was wrong and to have empathy for others, have become openly hostile about immigrants, Muslims, and even parrot the Nazi “great replacement” theory.
Part and parcel with this, they refuse to have any discussions about the facts – like immigrants not stealing and eating people’s pets. They won’t hear it, they won’t even engage in the conversation…they just get angry and loud the second they hear anything that doesn’t fit into the Fox News narrative. Can you relate? How are you dealing with it in your relationships with your parents?
No contact. I tried. I tried so hard to point out the wrongs committed by the regime that I thought that they would disagree with, but MAGAs just bend reality around it all.
It’s painful, given that most of us don’t do this out of a sense of right or wrong, but because we care. You get used to it eventually though.
My dad has always been. I went no contact for a few years during the first few months of covid. Since then we occasionally chat over signal but it’s surface level shit and I don’t really feel like trying anymore.
Talk to them. Education goes both ways: they educated you when you where an enfant, now’s your turn.
I deal with it pretty easily, I don’t have contact with them lol.
I don’t keep in contact with my family, but I’d have no problem telling trump supporters that they’re dumbasses straight to their faces.
Fuck you’re cool
Probably cooler than you, yeah.
Zero tolerance. No conversation. No benefit of the doubt. Zero.
Hurr durrrrr
The solution will always be communication. You have to tell them that they are pushing you away; how they are hurting you; how you can’t live with the hate.
Keep away from the talking points. Talk about your feelings with them. Talk about your fear that if they continue you will lose them. If they still care about you, the thought that they are causing you pain should be horrific to them. Tell them that you fear losing them to hate.
…but keep away from the facts. Don’t try to prove them wrong. If they bring stuff up… “I don’t care if that’s true or not. It makes you angry, and full of hate, and I can’t live with that level of hate in my life”.
Share emotions. Don’t worry who’s right or wrong. It’ll be hard, but that’s the only way to start. Their rational brain is corrupted. It doesn’t work and appealing to it won’t work.
Really good advice, thank you.
My mom is liberal enough, but my brother fell down the pipeline. He recently tried to convince my mom i was brainwashed to be a LGBTQ Muslim extremist by my wife (note, I am a man) and he made 51st state memes on canada day. I don’t really know what to do, I just try not to be alone with him.
I haven’t talked to my mom since before trump even ran for president so.
Don’t let them have any peace with those opinions. My mother became a cop when I was a kid and she went from tree hugging hippie to loud and proud racist so fast. It took YEARS of arguing and fighting every time she said something racist before I could finally get through to her. Don’t let up. My sister got sucked into transphobic bs too and she finally stopped talking about it after getting a lot of pushback over a couple of years. My husband got sucked into the alt right pipeline in the late 2010s after a lifetime of being hard left. That also took a couple years of never letting anything slide and fighting about every stupid video he watched. Don’t give up on your family and cut them out, either, though, please. I know it’s tempting but I feel we all have the responsibility to pull our loved ones out of the cult. It’s the only way for society to move forward. It’s hard. I know. I’ve done it three times.
How is your husband now? I can’t believe how many people you pulled back from the abyss. Does fighting them on everything actually work?
For me, what has sort of worked it pointing out that both sides of the news are getting basic facts wrong - things where there shouldn’t even be a debate. If the news was true, you could watch any channel - it would all be the same. Instead, we get things like one side claiming murders are up and the other claiming murders are down. Our current journalism is a failure of a system designed to drive engagement/viewership/clicks rather than convey knowledge.
I also find it helps to remind them that we’re Americans first, party second. The other side isn’t stupid, they’re just getting a completely different set of ‘news’.
Not quite fascist but voting for the most right party there is.
Luckily I don’t live there so I don’t have to deal with it.My parents are not MAGA (They are more “centre-left”), but I do feel very sorry for anyone who has to deal with parents like that. I have other family members who support MAGA, and I simply don’t talk to them, because I cannot look them in their eyes, knowing that they support pure evil. Their Facebook profiles make my blood boil, but I try my best just to watch the meme my father sent me, so I can carry on with my day, without it being ruined by my Neo-Nazi fascist family members. We aren’t even American, but you know the saying by now - “When America sneezes, the whole world catches a cold”.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brainwashing_of_My_Dad?wprov=sfla1
In this particular case, the answer was to - quite literally - turn off the TV.
I don’t imagine this is a good option for many, but shutting off the incoming flow of hate can make a difference.
“You are what you eat”. If someone only consumes
fascist propagandaright-wing media, then they will become morefascistright-winged.To OOP: You might not be able to turn off their TV. But you should share unbiased or left-leaning articles, shows, news, etc. And try to get them to “eat” a more balanced diet.
How old are your parents? If they are retired, that might explain a lot. People say you become broad minded, wise and knowledgeable if you have ample time to read and educate yourself, instead of working more (that’s why many people say society’s obsession with work is a distraction tool to prevent people thinking that the system is rigged). However, it also goes the inverse towards extreme radicalisation.
I don’t have a practical advise to give to de-redicalise your parents, but typically radicalisation is not just you have too much time to consume so many contents, but also loneliness is a factor which most people overlook. Hannah Arendt made a conclusion in her book, Origins of Totalitarianism, that loneliness is a precursor to totalitarianism. The far right (and far left as well) sell the snake oil that only they can bring people together again.
A lot of old people who are lonely are vulnerable to extremist propaganda because their minds are not in the right place. This is something to consider imo when you have to interact with your parents. Genuine human connection is the missing ingredient. A friend of mine has also become far right. He moved to London many years ago, and my guess is that because big cities tend to be individualistic, this made him lonely. The far right rabbithole created a sense of togetherness and purpose for listless individuals.
Edit: wording
Interesting food for thought. Feels like a catch 22 that they need more human interaction to help with their ideologies, but their ideologies make people not want to be around them (except for other people in the cult). It’s also vexing that they can know a Muslim or an undocumented immigrant, and have that “oh no, they’re one of the good ones” logic and still demonize the rest of the people from those groups. I wonder how many people they need to know from an out-group before they stop demonizing the whole group.
That book sounds interesting, I’m adding it to my list at the library. Thanks for the recommendation and also all the thoughtful advice!
Bedrock based
Cut off, and I realized just how much toxicity they brought into my house. No regrets. I’ve heard from others that without other people to blame their problems on they eventually turned on each other and are divorcing. The family is now safe from them.
