I’m not sure how anyone could get past the second line and not start reading it in Trump’s voice.

It’s the greatest essay I have ever seen, folks. *accordion hands*

what a great essay. a great essay.

i knew this student, very smart. i knew him and he said umbrella you- i am a real patriot (and there are real patriots) and he said umbrella- umbrella is the most upvoted user on lemmy. what i was told- they know you are much bigger than the second one by far. great. you are doing a great job.

“I say, ‘What would happen if the boat sank from its weight, and you’re in the boat, and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery’s now underwater, and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there?’

“By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately, do you notice that? Lot of sharks. I watched some guys justifying it today: ‘Well they weren’t really that angry, they bit off the young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were not hungry but they misunderstood who she was.’ These people are crazy. He said, ‘There’s no problem with sharks, they just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming.’ No, really got decimated, and other people, too, a lot of shark attacks.

“So I said, ‘There’s a shark 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards, or here. Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking? Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?’ Because I will tell you, he didn’t know the answer.

“He said, ‘You know, nobody’s ever asked me that question.’ I said, ‘I think it’s a good question. I think there’s a lot of electric current coming through that water.’ But you know what I’d do if there was a shark or you get electrocuted? I’ll take electrocution every single time. I’m not getting near the shark. So we’re going to end that, we’re going to end it for boats, we’re going to end it for trucks.”

Did Trump write this?

Transcriptions of Trump are often 200 word sentences muddled with em-dashes as new thoughts appear, sometimes eventually coming back to the original point and finally coming to rest with a period.

Love “never fight uphill, me boys, never fight uphill!”

I’m picturing Lee with a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder.

trump speech writer

I was about to write that it’s not funny when the child has an obvious and quite severe learning disability, then I read the comments and the name. Speechless.

I didn’t see the name until the end. Bravo

I only got it at “no longer in favor”. That’s when it clicked. Before that it just read like a student who had to write a one page essay on a topic he knew nothing about and tried to fill the lines.

This isn’t just a parody of his style, its just what he actually said: https://youtu.be/pq4xSuiueUc

People come up to me all the time and tell me how great my report on Gettysburg was. Great people. Best report they’ve ever seen. And they’ve seen a lot of reports. And they tell me mine was the best they’ve seen. But the crooked evil liberal teachers keep persecuting me and try to say my report wasn’t good. They try to give me an F, but I tell them it’s an A, because that’s what my papers get, because I’m the best student. Best student people have ever seen. Smart people see me and say that is the best student that has ever been. Make school great again!

The craziest part is he read this off a prompter

Looks to me like they knew exactly what to do with that student.