Why is this a shitpost?
I chuckled at the good advice coming from porn-alt2 but think it is more ironically wholesome than a shitpost.
Oh please, I tried that “fake it til you make it” horseshit and it was worn away through years of constant shitheads using me for their entertainment, all the while trying my hardest to believe it would come eventually.
The hard facts of life are this: life is not a fairy tale. Not every story has a happy ending. As you read this, there are kids out there catching bullets in Gaza who will never even get to finish puberty, let alone find love. Nothing is guaranteed – you can try as hard as you want at something, and sometimes you simply will not have it for factors entirely outside of your control. Some people will never be able to serve on submarines, because they are too tall. Some people will never be able to be a commercial pilot, because they are colorblind. Likewise, some of us just aren’t destined for love, be it for any myriad constellations of internal and external factors.
In my case, I have mild autism, and I can never mask well enough that someone decent won’t see through my facade. Oh, sure, I’m apparently fun to be around for brief periods at a time, but I guess the novelty of a spastic wears off for them and they quickly make their exit, ghosting me soon enough. But more upsettingly, all the horrible people who stick around to use me for their entertainment, I can never see through theirs before it’s too late.
It’s not fair. But sometimes that’s just how things are.
And now, knowing what I do, I’d not put effort towards something as hard to find and keep as love. At least when I put my efforts towards other pursuits, I can see measurable progress in some way. Trying to find love was like ramming my head against a brick wall and hoping the wall would break before I did. If you want to help someone who’s on that “forever alone” drivel, it’s a bitter pill to swallow, but they’re much better off putting their effort towards things they’re actually making progress in. Your best chance of finding love in such a scenario? Dumb luck. It will either fall out of the great blue sky for you, or it won’t, and that’s just how it is.
You’re right, life isn’t fair, and isn’t ever going to be everything going the way you want.
I would still challenge you about the attitude that everything is completely outside your control. You’ve heard the quote, “the harder I work the luckier I get”?
Yes, our opportunities are constrained by the world around us. If you tell a kid they can become president, that’s almost certainly not true. But by working on yourself, by recognizing your strengths, by focusing on what’s important to you, you can position yourself to take advantage of the opportunities you get.
In the dating world that could look like participating in activities you enjoy that also involve other people (tabletop games, bird watching, skydiving whatever). You might never meet someone at those things, but by increasing the volume of human interaction, you’re improving your odds, while also honing your social skills if the occasion arises.
It doesn’t require trying to be someone you’re not, and will also be counterproductive if you do. In sales sometimes they’ll tell you to “go for the no.” If someone isn’t going to buy you want to find that out quickly so you can spend your time on someone who will. In a relationship, if someone is going to reject who you are, you want to find that out quickly, not pretend to be some other person.
I never said everything is outside your control, don’t put words in my mouth. There are some things you can change, and some things you can’t. And after spending long enough trying different things and taking stock of what I’ve tried in the dating game, and not a single human being has ever had any genuine interest in me, as I approach my 30s – I have come to this conclusion not through flip “woe is me” bullshit over a night of binge drinking, this is years of depression and deep thought on it. I accept the reality that is presented to me, and the reality is that whatever drives others away is simply not something I can change, and my best going theory is I’m just an annoying fucking spastic who can’t see through bullshit. That’s not to say I know that for certain, just that I’ve tried changing up everything that I can (and am willing to) change to attract another person – from small things to large – and it’s never helped, and I’ve tried for long enough.
Some of us just aren’t meant to have certain things in life.
Not with that attitude, no.
Sorry, that’s not a nice thing to say, but in your other comment you say something completely differen “it is what it is”. That is a much better approach and also your own words as well. I think that one is actually “the key to happines”. You might not have been able to find a compatible partner now, but you’re not even 30. It would’ve been nice to have someone by now, but getting older does not mean that you’ve wasted your chances to find love. That’s the vibe I get from you. But it is not true. There are tons of stories of people finding love later in life. Even in elder care homes.
It is what it is, that is true. Don’t let bad luck get you down, but also don’t close yourself off for future possibilities. Be your own person and just live your life in the now and try to focus more on the good parts. Other good things might come later, or not, it is what it is.
Ah, yes, “your attitude now is bad so clearly your attitude was always bad and that’s why you’re alone”. Naw, I used to have a better attitude, as I said in my original comment, and having a good attitude didn’t help one bit (which was the point of my original comment). And trying to pretend it does, doesn’t help anyone – I could have the sunniest disposition in the world, but that doesn’t change shit about the world around me – being an optimist doesn’t help you if, say, the house is on fire. And the world around me wants very little to do with me romantically, and pretty much always has. I can either accept that, or I can live in denial of it, but neither changes it.
deleted by creator
I know exactly how you feel. At one point while reading I thought “Did I write this and forget about it?” It’s sad that you and I and many others are living in a world where being called “funny” is an insult to us. We don’t want to be funny, we want to be “dependable”, we want to hear “You make me feel safe” or “I’m glad you’re here for me”. We want to be good listers but nobody ever talks to us. “Haha, you’re such a funny guy.” Is all we get.
What people answering you don’t understand is the difference between fighting for love and fighting for the CHANCE for love. This is like the difference between struggling to win at a slot machine and struggling to get in the casino. Then people try to convince you that there’s a system to it. Please, as if we don’t know the rules - shower, groom yourself, be assertive but not pushy, read the room, show interest in their interests but don’t interrogate, complement their efforts, be charming and make them laugh. We can follow all this to the tee but all we ever hear is “Yes, but not you”. And don’t get me started at the cowardism. There’s never constructive criticism, at best there’s a " no" at worst there’s a lie. How many times have I heard “Sorry, I’m not really interested in a relationship right now.” only to find the same person dating somebody 2 weeks later. Must have been a life changing 2 weeks to change your mantra like that.
The problem is that there’s an appropriate time for trying and to be picked. I understand what you’re saying about people I Gaza, but this is a fucked up situation in general and outside the norm. I got raised in a normal household, went to a normal school, had normal hobbies and normal friends yet still, nobody ever saw any romantic value in me. And now I’m old, I don’t have the safe environment of of innocence but I’m also not allowed to make mistakes. I have zero experience yet I’m expected to outcompete everybody. That’s the issue. If I’m interested in someone, that someone will always have options beyond me. What others are basically saying is that you’ll find love only if someone comes along that is so cornered that you’re their only option. I don’t want to be someone’s only choice, I want to be someone’s first choice, but people like us aren’t even second, third or fourth - we are not even on the list. There will be always younger, better more successfully and better looking options. And the older we get the more baggage and expectations people were interested in have.
I feel like a car that hasn’t been sold by the dealer, then new models came along and nobody wants the old one anymore. And the longer it sits in the lot, the more people start to wonder what’s wrong with it and why it hasn’t been sold. It becomes a loop of people seeing your lack of worth and assigning even less worth to you. And then at some point you become a write-off, a statistic - cars not sold, lives not lived.
What people answering you don’t understand is the difference between fighting for love and fighting for the CHANCE for love. This is like the difference between struggling to win at a slot machine and struggling to get in the casino. Then people try to convince you that there’s a system to it. Please, as if we don’t know the rules - shower, groom yourself, be assertive but not pushy, read the room, show interest in their interests but don’t interrogate, complement their efforts, be charming and make them laugh. We can follow all this to the tee but all we ever hear is “Yes, but not you”. And don’t get me started at the cowardism. There’s never constructive criticism, at best there’s a " no" at worst there’s a lie.
this.
I’d not be so resigned if I’d had some genuine interest turn up at some point. But the only person I’ve ever gotten a second date from (and a brief relationship for a few months), later told me he meant and felt nothing of what he said he did, over text, on Christmas morning 2020. Even he couldn’t articulate why, he just didn’t feel anything for me despite everything I’d done up to that point to be up to par for him. Everyone else disappears like a fart in the wind well before a second date.
I know love is not all sunshine and roses, and work and effort is involved, but I suppose not everyone who wants to work can find a job, either, as my recent job hunt has illustrated. Only problem is, Walmart and McDonalds accept everyone, and the consequences for working at either are a lot less than the consequences of dating someone who will “accept anyone”.
I am reminded of the quote by Stephen Gould, “I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.”
likewise, there will be plenty of people who live and die alone who are just as good a partner as anyone else can hope for, but who just don’t get lucky. Me, I’ve had my relationship woes, depression, cancer, losing my job and having my career derailed recently because of cancer, all kinds of fun hints that I am just not lucky and not meant for the things I want out of life. And I guess I just have to learn to be okay with that.
Probably too damaged to be good enough for anyone decent, now, anyways. And definitely too damaged to open up to anyone in any meaningful capacity, in any reasonable span of time – most partners expect you to let them in and lean on them in turn, and I’ve learned by now not to let anyone in.
I’m on the autism spectrum too. I’m on my second marriage. My current partner knows I’m n the spectrum, and (mostly) accepts it. We’ve been married for eight years. My prior partner and I married before I was tested; they kept expecting me to change.
And now, knowing what I do, I’d not put effort towards something as hard to find and keep as love.
Here’s the secret: NT people also have to put in effort to find and keep love. There are no fairy tales for anyone, and it requires effort from everyone. If you’re not willing to put in that effort, then no, you’re never going to find and keep love. And there aren’t guarantees, because you’re talking about another person, one that has their own internal life, and is making their own choices. When I practice shooting, my improvement in that area is entirely on me; my gun doesn’t have it’s own will. It is an extension of me. When I’m working on connecting to my partner, they still have their own agency. So if I don’t seem to be making progress, that may not be me at all, but due to their choices.
Good for you, I’m glad you have better luck than I do.
You seem to think that because I’m not willing to put in effort anymore, that means I never did. Allow me to correct you. I spent long enough putting in extraordinary amounts of effort for a very long time and merely got shit on in return, but I’m glad it worked out better for you, really I am. But in so many words, I’m the one who gets to decide when I’ve had enough heartbreak, not you.
The true path of faking it till you make it isn’t to gain a significant other, but to become emotionally settled enough that you don’t even need one.
Which, when done in earnest, is ironically usually the best thing you can do to raise your chances of getting a partner.
But now I don’t want a partner because they’ll throw off the delicate level of being okay with myself that I’ve achieved.
Making you that much more attractive! It’s a vicious cycle!
Girls are dumb. Build RC cars and kick ass dudes
i think girls are actually kinda goated tbh
Then explain this
Why is it that Boys go to college to get more knowledge While Girls go to Jupiter cause they are stupider
well clearly you havent been to jupiter or college because everybody knows its boys that go to jupiter to get more stupider while girls go to college to do cool girl shit like breathing.
Every guy: shit it’s so difficult to find sex, love, companionship, or any of the above, it’s actually depressing
Every girl: just be yourself lol idk all that stuff just naturally is available to me
deleted by creator
Hell, I AM just looking for sex and I’m still trying to improve myself. It’s just a good thing to do in general.
I was literally the every guy in the comment then this past week I went to a totally new type of music festival and got out of my comfort zone and I have a prospective new friendship/relationship already and made tons of new friends to make plans with for the winter! Sometimes it just takes getting out of your comfort zone, but as a super socially anxious person, I know how hard that can be.
just be yourself
Says the people that tell you to hit the gym because you are unacceptable.
